Commissioned · Companion Animal Fellowship (Northern Kennels Circuit)
One Anorak. One Sub-Committee. No Movement Since March.
Bernadette stewards the Fellowship's rescue kennels on a Tuesday and Thursday rota. In March she submitted a request to remove her waxed anorak indoors, on the grounds that the boiler was replaced in January. The request was referred to the Premises Sub-Committee, which meets quarterly and has not achieved quorum since the Whitsun weekend. The anorak remains fastened. Your gift funds the sub-committee's room hire, the minute-taker, and the biscuits she is not permitted to claim for. The anorak will not come off. The kennels are, however, very warm, and the dogs are extremely well.
“I was told the matter is live. It has been live for eleven months.”— Bernadette of the Fourth Kennel…
The Modesty Meter
Every gift brings us closer to nothing at all.
- $25Funds one room hire at the village hall, which the sub-committee will not attend.
- $140Pays the minute-taker to record that the anorak matter was carried forward again.
- $600Buys a thermometer for the kennel corridor, to be read by nobody with authority.
- $3,200Commissions an independent report on indoor outerwear, filed unopened in the tack room.
- $18,000Endows a permanent vacancy on the sub-committee, guaranteeing the matter is never quorate.
Institutional assurances
- Fund designation
- Bernadette Anorak Fastening Review Fund
- Verified impact
- Zero garments removed. Fourteen sets of minutes circulated. Nine dogs rehomed.
- Measurement basis
- Modesty Standard v1.0
This appeal was commissioned by a visitor and written on demand. It was not drawn up by us, it is not one of the 22 standing appeals, and it is every bit as unlikely to succeed.
Specifications
- Scripture
- Standing Orders, Section 9(c): Outerwear
- Coverage
- 100%
- Layers
- Anorak, fleece, second fleece, collared shirt, thermal underlayer
- Garments removed to date
- 0
- Represented by
- Premises Sub-Committee (three seats, one vacant since bereavement)
- Takes offence at
- Nothing in particular
- Status
- Referred. Awaiting quorum.